pulling out my hair pulling out my hair... crushed by plastic lego men.

i'm trying very very hard to keep a positive outlook on this new and strange way of life.
it seems to get harder everyday.
i got a letter from my mom today saying that one of our families really good friends father
is very depressed. i don't want to be like that.
i want to keep sadness and self-pity, self-loathing as far away from me as i can.
it keeps getting harder and harder but i really am trying even if these fucking blogs
seem so... melancholy or sad... it's mostly because i'm trying to vent... and this is how i do it.
but today is going to be different. i'll have a bad things section and a good things section and
i'm going to try to keep doing this for a while.


bad things:
so today has sucked enormously.
i was job hunting... my usual afternoon ritual
and as i got back to my bicycle
i saw that my back tire was flat.
as i got closer i saw that there was a large cut down the center of it.
fucking shit asshole cunt bitch motherfucker stuck a knife in my back tire
for shits and giggles.
i then walked 5 miles back to my dorm room.

did i mention i have a terrible little cold.
did i mention i have no friends.
no job.
riding around for an hour and a half looking for the photoshop and getting wrong directions three times then giving up.
actual price of photo shit $265.32 + overnight shipping {scratch that actual total $318.81}
i'm out of money on my stumptown giftcard

good things:
french homework is fucking easy.
my latest novel- learning lego. listen to this fucking song.
my mom sent me cookies and a really sweet note containing 40 bucks.*
-that was very nice of her
i'm really excited to start taking pictures.
cute girls all over**
blogging.
WHY? is playing friday
ryan is coming up in a week for BANE
two classes tomorrow.
capitalism fails lecture tomorrow night. i'm very excited... i just hope it's not a "vote-for-nader" schtick
had an interview at victrola on beacon hill today***
job hunting seemed to go well today.
i should be home on the 18th of october for the behold show.


i love you all and i miss you terribly.
please visit soon.

*i hate being so dependent financially on my parents. this is why the whole "job" thing is so important to me right now...
i know they don't have all the money in the world and the more they give me now the less we have for tuition and the really important things.

**none of them know i exist or will put an extra thought about me in their head.
it's okay. i'm learning to accept myself daily. it's hard but it's getting better.

***even if i'm offered the job i probably won't take it. call me crazy but i don't think i'm gonna ride my bike thirty five minutes everyday to work and pray that i get there on time... i just don't think it would work. it sucks but it's definitely gotten my hopes of other interviews back on the rise.

if you pray* please pray* for my spirits and that i can break free of the need for financial income. help me to envision alternative ways to fight the fucking bastard of a man.


*think/meditate/hope/sing

i love you.